#because I was born at the wrong place
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#oh man#I'm having the shittiest year of mi life#I just want to disappear#like#Why do I bother#nothing matters#and I'm here wasting my life working and trying to survive#and for what#so the next problem can surface and I don't get my one simple wish#I just want to draw#that's all I wanna do#that's all#and i cant#and I try and I try to get me what I need#and try to make things better#and I'm here stuck and I feel like I'm drowning every single day#and why#because I was born at the wrong place#Why don't I get a chance too#why do I have to fight 3 times more#I just want to go to sleep and never wake up#etc#might delete later idk#I'm just so tired
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it was just going to be a few warmup doodles but then she infected the rest of the page like the ever eternal and spreading spores. hod!!! hod. hod :)
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#hod#hod lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#I GUESS i almost forgot i drew her box form#lobcorp spoilers#and michelle actually. ..#both very tiny. itty bitty. microscopic#other sephirah there too as normal. i cant have her alone. and Angelina as well on the top patting her#i have a hard time fully capturing her for some reason. in my mind. maybe its because is the disconnected period!!! mentally#she genuinely wishes to care and be kind yet theres a dissonance with what she does..? or how it ends up being taken or what she does to en#up bringing those actions into reality. she can be forceful? wanting to have employees attend therapy sessions and meetings for suppression#tactics. which i think is also something the safety team is incharge of iirc. so that means shes doing way more that what she needs to on#her job as a sephirah. just for the sake of employees#she really does care as shes one of the only to Directly attempt to change their circumstances and quality of life and health#sure chesed doesnt punish employees when they dont do their work assigned or stress them out with work#but he doesnt actively push to attempt to make changes to aid employees besides the research perks which is to the manager#yesod IS right next to her and does also genuinely care but when it comes to employees hes distant at best when it comes to them and the#way he tries to protect them is by enforcing rules but he doesnt really create or attempt to help them like hod does#yesod is sort of a passive? way of doing it. yes he doesn make a push to enforce said rules but he doesnt make new ones. just follows what#is already there in place. hod tries to make new ways and not just for the safety of people like how yesod's has them physically fine and#not letting them over a certain threshold of mental corruption but she tries to have a program to Directly Address such a thing#its born out of care but the genuine worry of being a good person and her naivety ends up having it do more harm than good#sure there may be some employees that actually like and find it useful but so many are just accepting to their fate of Dying to where#her care seems pointless. shes a sephirah and to them a literal metal box why would they go ahead and feel bad for what an 'ai' is feeling#as she is interrupting their free time in the company#which is rude. and shit. iirc the counseling is compulsory but people go because shes a sephirah and their superior. the thought was there#but again it comes off wrong and ends up not working because shes their superior in the end#EEK!!! yeah... hod. the hod. there is WAY more but i can't fit it all here and i already typed enough
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The fun thing about the Crest system argument is that before Hopes, myself and others were pointing out how Edelgard's claims make no sense when held up to the various nobles we have in game. The Alliance was a big sticking point in this regard, it was only in the Kingdom where it seemed to exist but it was also tied to defending their lands. Then Hopes came out where Sylvain explained that yes, there is a Crest system… that the nobles ignore and do their own thing. Fodlan itself basically says no one follows the Crest system, so is it really that important that Edelgard removes it while consolidating power on herself?
Where in Nopes does Sylvain mention the Crust system?
Crust system is basically the Fodlan equivalent of inheritence laws, and not that different from a male/female/klingon primogeniture rule, legitimacy rule, or picking the most able "person" to inherit...
Especially since the "most able" notion is as variable as the contents of a teaspoon and Fodlan refuses to elaborate what kind of magical superpower each crest gives.
The Nabateans using hair dye in the War of Heroes make more sense than the crust "system"!
I remember Houses thought trying to push the "wah wah inheritence based on crusts bad" with Sylvain (or was it Dimitri?) saying that the crested heir inherits, and the others are disinherited or something? I haven't checked the jp version and if it is worded differently, but, come on.
We see Rufus and Gilbert, sure they don't inherit the ancestral seat/throne of the house (Gilbert's bro is the baron, and Rufus is salty bcs Lambert got the throne), and yet they're not left in the boonies, are we really supposed to believe that both Rufus and Gilbert didn't get a penny, a house, titles (Gilbert became a knight) or anything for inheritance? Disinherited Rufus would never have became a grand duke (unless Dimitri's grandma was from Itha so Rufus took the inheritance from his mom?) or have lived a relatively more privileged life than Ashe and be free to "seduce around".
Jury's out about whether Glenn had a crust or not, and yet, Glenn got a fiancée and is always highly spoken of by his dad - not something you'd do for a kid you disinherit!
So, what were Sylvain (or Dimitri?) talking about in Houses?
Or were they full of shit to pretend there is a "system" that exists but isn't applied anywhere in the land, so it's totes important to get rid of it and make "ReFoRmS" and in the end, Supreme Leader wasn't totally in the wrong and had some good ideas, but please don't ask more about those ideas or what the "most competent" means to her, especially since Bernie in her solo ending in CF (just like in the other routes) can rule her territory ?
We don't see Hector crying a river because Uther is the Lord and not him, or Eirika doing the same (even if it would have been better for Magvel lol) just like Tana, hell, Elincia's dad didn't want to create an inheritence feud between his daughter and Renning so he hid her, and when Renning returns in FE10, he's not throwing a fit because he should have become King instead of his niece, and what not.
Hell, Desmond wanting to make Guinivere Queen wasn't a move to empower her or to shit on Zeph, but ultimately, a move he pulled off because of his own insecurities at being a worthless King compared to his son.
In Fodlan? Tana - after Innes' death at the hands of her accomplices - starts a war to conquer Magvel to get rid of male primogeniture.
And to make this less stupid than it sounds, the devs insist that Magvel's primogeniture laws are very bad and ruin a ton of lives in the continent which would justify killing Ross and Garcia because they're sacrifices to be made for the greater good.
Yeah :/
I'm not playing this version of FE8.
#fantasyinvader#replies#crust system#iirc a friend tried to analyse what was that notion in depth#like what made it systemic and what not#and the results were... that well the so called system has so many exceptions and examples seen in the game that#you'd be hard pressed to see a case where it's actually put in place#especially since Fodlan refuses to give siblings to characters or even bastard sibs#ferghus is the one with the most crested heirs#and the game tries to give a reason : crests are used to wield weapons and ferghus needs to defend itself against invasions#and yet it also gives us children who weren't born with a crust who aren't randoms or living in the sewers#Adrestia has Caspar#idk if he was written off because he is not the oldest son or because he has no crust#but thing is between Caspar Rufus Gilbert and Holst none of them are in the same situation because of their lack of crest#ffs Holst is Duke Goneril in Nopes despite not having a crest#even September 2019 players could see something was wrong with the fandom beloved crust system#it hasn't changed at all#CF replaces it with nepotism lol#I mean Prime Minister Manu is a thing
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people really do not know what they're talking about when it comes to Elizabeth Woodville's social status, huh?
#yes Elizabeth was without a doubt considered too low-born to be queen#no she was not a commoner and nobody actually called her that during her life (so I'm not sure why people are claiming that they did?)#Elizabeth's social status was not a problem in itself; it was a problem in the context of queenship and marrying into royalty#Context is important in this and for literally everything else when it comes to analyzing history. Any discussion is worthless without it.#obviously pop culture-esque articles claiming that she was 'a commoner who captured the king's heart' are wrong; she wasn't#But emphasizing that ACTUALLY she was part of the gentry with a well-born mother and just leaving it at that as some sort of “GOTCHA!”#is equally if not more irresponsible and entirely irrelevant to discussions of the actual time period we're studying.#Elizabeth *was* considered unworthy and unacceptable as queen precisely because of her lower social status#her father and brother had literally been derided as social-climbers by Salisbury Warwick and Edward himself just a few years earlier#the Woodvilles' marriage prospects clearly reflected their status (and 'place') in society: EW herself had first married a knight and all#siblings married within the gentry to people of a similar status. compare that to the prestigious marriages arranged after EW became queen#Elizabeth having a lower social status was not 'created' by propaganda against her; it fueled and shaped propaganda against her#that's a huge huge difference; it's irresponsible and silly to conflate the two as I've seen a recent tumblr post cavalierly do#like I said she was considered too low-born to be queen long before any of the propaganda Warwick Clarence or Richard put out against her#and the fact that Elizabeth was targeted on the basis of her social status was in itself novel and unprecedented#no queen before her was ever targeted in such a manner; Clearly Elizabeth was considered notably 'different' in that regard#(and was quite literally framed as the enemy and destroyer of 'the old royal blood of this realm' and all its actual 'inheritors' like..)#ngl this sort of discussion always leaves a bad taste in my mouth#because it's not like England and France (et all) are at war or consider each other mortal enemies in the 21st century#both are in fact western european imperialistic nations who've been nothing but a blight to the rest of the world including my own country#yet academic historians clearly have no problem contextualizing the xenophobia that medieval foreign queens faced as products of their time#and sympathizing with them accordingly (Eleanor of Provence; Joan of Navarre; Margaret of Anjou; etc)(at least by their own historians)#Nor were foreign queens the “worst” targets of xenophobia: that was their attendants or in times of war commoners or soldiers#who actually had to bear the brunt of English aggression#queens were ultimately protected and guaranteed at least a veneer of dignity and respect because of their royal status#yet once again historians and people have no problem contextualizing and understanding their difficulties regardless of all this#so what is the problem with contextualizing the classism *Elizabeth* faced and understanding *her* difficulties?#why is the prejudice against her constantly diminished & downplayed? (Ive never even seen any historian directly refer to it as 'classism')#after all it was *Elizabeth* who was more vulnerable than any queen before her due to her lack of powerful foreign or national support#and Elizabeth who faced a form of propaganda distinctly unprecedented for queens. it SHOULD be emphasized more.
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I don’t really know what I’m going to feel with new announcement/new music. I’m just in kind of a weird position this time and my sadness I’ve had over it is kind of blunted and empty and hard to pin down
#like in the past I’ve had sadness over artists dying I already liked#or sadness over artists who died before I was even born but could still be around if they hadn’t died young etc#but it feels different and kind of weird when it’s someone I learned about in the first place via news about their death#I just feel kind of. don’t want to say ‘guilty’ cause it’s not like I did something wrong#but regretful I guess because I wish I had known about him and his music when he was still alive#like 24 years of me being alive while someone was making what’s now my favorite music#but just didn’t end up on my radar until something sad happened#and now it’s too late for me to be like ‘I can’t wait to see what music he makes next’
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obscura is fun because i can be a freak with it. because it's supposed to be an insanely dark and fucked up universe
#personal#take clarence right. she falls in love with the angel that blinded her and granted her with psychic abilities in return#ends up getting what she wanted and fucks the angel (you go girl) but then ends up PREGNANT. and like. of course that child is gonna be#super ffucking freaky right. because in obscura angels and demons all come from the same place#like obviously there's religious undertones but the actual entities 'angel' and 'demon' in this universe are like#otherworldy beings. INCOMPATIBLE WITH HUMANS MIGHT I ADD.#so clarence gives birth to grendel. a girl who is born inside out. sorry#a surgeon manages to put her back together correctly and grendel lives... but obviously she's like. basically the antichrist at this point#There's Something Horribly Wrong With That Child. but that's what makes it fun#i'm not entirely sure yet what grendel's fate is gonna be but like. there's gonna be drama because it's a highly dysfunctional family#you KNOW that angel is a deadbeat parent
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Sometimes I see a take so bad that I have to physically put my phone down and do breathing exercises to make sure I do not become One Of Those People
Everybody is entitled to their own opinion, everybody is entitled to their own opinion, everybody is entitled to their own opinion eVEN WHEN IT IS SO FUCKING WRONG
#chewing on my own arm rn#but why does he get so much hate? he’s just— HE IS THE FUCKING DEVIL. SPLITTING A FAMILY UP JUST BECAUSE HE SUDDENLY FEELS LIKE BEING A DAD#HE ABANDONED THEM. ABANDONED!!!!!!! LEFT THEM IN DEBT AND WITH THE ABUSIVE FUCKING ASSHOLE#HE DROVE EUIHYUN TO THE BRINK OF FUCKING DEATH BECAUSE HE COULDNT BE BOTHERED TO TAKE CARE OF HIS OWN KID#Oh but no sure let’s bitch on Taeju instead because he’s tHe wOrSt#boy CHANGED. and he has APOLOGIZED#REPEATEDLY BITCH.#cried his eyes out. found euiyoung. gives them a safe place to live#takes care of them BOTH….#I’m not saying the shitty ass dad can’t see eiuyoung but he went about it all fucking wrong. he abandoned them and then separates them#and has the fucking audacity to point out how shitty euihyun’s life is… MOTHERFUCKER WHOSE FAULT IS THAT PARTLY HUH????#he could’ve left if he didn’t have euiyoung. who YOU ABADONED AS SOON AS HE WAS BORN#GRRRRRRRRR#FUCK. I AM SWEATING I AM SO ANGRY#misha rants
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Prev post I do think though that all three books critique the dynamic of having someone in power over you in a religious sense because they're pointing out how for anyone given that level of power, their personal hangups and desires become inextricable from the position that they hold and that position is a position that easily lends itself to abuse. so to have the conclusion of that be "but when it's a hot girl it's fine" just doesn't really mesh with the rest of this setup and I think regardless of what harrow says at the end of ntn, it's actually way more complicated than just choosing another deity
#but maybe i'm wrong#i do trust muir to bring the nuance like this isn't a critique so much as it me going.#well these books don't engage with religion as a positive force that much do they#harrow's thing for the body is more complicated than just religious reverence#it's like. she is obsessed with the thing that shatters the world in which she lives#i'd mostly read it as harrow wanting an end to the setup john has in place because she doesn't fit easily within it. but she's also#tied to that system to the extent that she can't separate herself from it. so she wants to destroy herself#born wrong you know? that's a very like. gay kid in the church vibe#idk#interested to see what atn does with that
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kinda funny how adele is the only high flora class so far to not engage in genocide, yet she's the one who gets sussed the most
ark believed in the high flora's mission until he saw up front that they were just attacking innocent people while khali only had a change of heart when she realized not even their own people were safe from being on the chopping block, but adele went "i can't support this because this is literally genocide" from the start
i guess to be fair, by the time ark and khali came to pantheon they were already 100% turned against the high flora, while adele was still trying to recover her memories so no one knew if she would end up being on darmoor's side or not
#maplestory#another thing to note is that adele was around before the high flora started doing their thing#while ark joined the high flora army during their campaign to eradicate the rest of grandis#and khali was born after most of this had already happened in a high flora settlement#which kinda reflects in the above stuff regarding their reactions to what the high flora are doing#adele knew it was wrong from the start and refused to participate#ark believed the propaganda until he saw firsthand how fake their mission was#and khali fully believed the propaganda until all her justifications collapsed when ypsilon killed jad and his mom#i wonder if the flora archer will be another high flora or if they'll actually give another verdant flora#i feel like the issue with giving another verdant flora is that illium's storyline kind of makes it hard to add someone else#because all the verdant flora were in one place and if the verdant flora archer is a significant character#it begs the question of where they were in illium's storyline#i mean they could always retcon the character in like they've been doing willy nilly#but it's probably simpler for them to come up with high flora characters since not everything about the high flora has been shown
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#just saw a post where the far majority of people#on this site at least#think less of people born in the us#which i understand#bc a lot of people here are the way that they are#but i think it is so interesting#that people like to preach and think of themselves superior#for not being born in the us#as if that exact attitude is one thing they dont like about people born in the us#or they look at the politics and the way minorities and other marginialized groups in this country are treated#and use that as justification to think differently of those born here#as if every single person here agrees with those decisions#and thinks that way#in a way they know that not everyone in other countries agrees with their politics#and its funny how#so many people in the us are born to immigrants#and they are raised with different perspectives#views#cultures#and they do not always feel at home or like americans#but they were born here#and they will get looked at differently because of it#and i’m not saying that all americans are great or deserve to be defended#especially not those that get highlighted in the media#but its quite interesting to be on a high horse and look down on someone for where they were born#as if they chose that#as if they aren’t a human being#who can have their own thoughts/opinions/ideologies that differ from what may be broadcasted in the place where they were born#like to say i look down on this person bc they were born in x place is quite the statement#to make and think there’s nothing wrong with
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the thing thats always missing in conversations about gender in general is the fact that 'cis', as an identity, is not a innate Thing Some People Are, but rather a state of acceptance society grooms us into from birth
#im sorry but no one is inherently 'cis' bc gender is inherently not real (saying this in cool trans way not transphobe way).#being 'cis' just means you live as the gender youve been assigned. being 'genuinely' cis in a way where youre not repressing anything and#you're truly happy to be that way means you're the ideal and desired endgame of the whole gendered culture and have been successfully#groomed into accepting only half of yourself (the half that can exist in the gender role you inhabit)#Like every culture agrees that people have both 'masculine' and 'feminine' within them but on entry to the earth the vast majority of peopl#are placed within a role that rewards either 'masculine' or 'feminine' but not both. and of course everyone continues to be both but#theyve still been placed in one role.#To be honest i think we need to rid ourselves of the idea of gender as something innate even though its nice to teach to well-meaning#liberal cis people. 'born this way' dogma was a useful vehicle to pitch existence in but its unhelpful when queer people actually act like#its the whole truth and nothing but the truth.#dont get me wrong i couldnt be a girl cause i self destructed and died and that was just something within me. totally that is a thing 100%.#hashtag born this way. but just because it doesnt go that far for some people doesnt mean that theyre Innately Cis. it means they accept#their circumstance and r priviledged to be able to do so. thats what cis means#to be clear: i say being cis is the result of grooming. thats not to say that people who reject cisness are smarter or more radical#necessarily or doing the right thing. some people stay cis and push the boundaries of that role wherever possible and thats just as radical#i think in fact its more radical than trans people who ruthlessly uphold gender roles#tldr its not a moral failure to identify with ur assigned gender and to argue that would be incredibly ridiculous#but the only reason u feel identification with it at all is because of the grooming. shrug emoji.#oliver talks#gender#gender abolition#gender assignment is grooming & its violence & its awful#ted talk over#Disclaimer if anyone wants to pick a fight that i do literally identify as trans so take of that what you will
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hyper bc I had a latte and gay club music playing so I cleaned the kitchen and living room in a record time of 42 minutes
#i emptied the dishwasher+ filled it up w dirty dishes + cleaned all the counter tops + wiped down the kitchen table + sweeped the floors#and put away miscellaneous objects that were in the wrong places#now im going to fold my baba and mamas laundry bc i still have energy amd because i feel immensely guilty for the argument we had yesterday#i am literally such a bad person this is the least i can do#i feel like im 17 all over again#like i used to fight with them so much and then spend hours every weekend cleaning the whole house to prove#that i wasn't a bad daughter#the only difference is now im 20 and i get drained way faster so i only do the whole cleaning thing when we have a particularly nasty fight#i guess. that means we dont fight as often . a good thing#but idk i feel so gross and immature and awful my parents r in their 50s i have to get a grip#like yes im allowed to be upset when they say annoying things to me constantly but i shouldnt be so reactionary#like time and place bro -> me to myself#i get so excessively upset 😭 like something worthy of a few tense words ends up being a crying and screaming affair when im irritable#and yes we made up but i feel like i should've never been born i hope the clean house makes me seem like less of a mistake haha. i want to#die about it#z.post
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There are two days more but I'm starting to get a bit sad about October ending :') Even if I had some rough moments during half of it and I didn't do as much stuff as the past year, what I did so far pleases me so much!
In advance, I wish everyone at least a nice end of the month! (Spooky or not) 🎃
#windy squawks#i said that last part because here is spring not autumn#so i have the weirdest october if i take into account i was raised watching tv movies and series with the other hemisphere's weather#i always felt like i born in the wrong place because i really vibe with THAT october sobs#still i celebrate on my own way like yesterday when i dedicated a few hours of meditation for the full moon#and of course doing art in theme so far! theres one more i like a lot ill share tomorrow x)
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Waiting for the time I hit my head with my flag and I no longer have VSS or tinnitus
#like wouldn’t that be crazy and awesome#no I just get a slight pain#I hit myself the wrong place this time anyways#no concussion I’m fine#but damn like#people hit their heads and Develop VSS/tinnitus why can’t I go the Opposite way#at least with VSS because I was Born with that#I Developed tinnitus that’s my own fault + very mild doesn’t bother me#but it’d be cool to not have it#anyways I just thought this was silly of my#color guard
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🐸
#..........................................................................................................#I feel like I deserve It because my body looks bad and I am Bad and everything about me is Bad#like I had a good fucking day why do I feel bad now#im so jealous of anyone who was born into a normal ass body that doesn't look like mine#I hate!! how effeminate I am!!#I hate!! how im a straight man but I look like a little girl#I am constantly worried that everyone thinks that im gay and that that somehow makes me morally wrong!!#nothing wrong w being gay !! if u are gay !!#im just not gay#and I feel like I should be bc of how effeminate I am/feel#I don't get to choose the way that my body looks#or the personality disorders/mental fuckass disabilities that live in my head and control what I do!!!!!!#I feel so ugly!!! I want to be fixed!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I also don't think that I have adhd I think im making it up for attention and im actually a lazy piece of shit#I want to be medicated so bad!!! im so angry!! that I can't be normal no matter what I do!!!#like in my head adhd is just Lazy Bad Person Disease and ik the ppl ik w adhd#aren't lazy and bad#its just that I Am Lazy And Bad#oversharing on the internet bc I don't see my therapist til Monday and all of my friends are asleep!! teehee#need to escape into the place in my head where I am with Her but it is poisoned now bc ik that she doesn't want me and im running out of#delusions to subsist on#I want to be with her but I hate her at the same time#bc why is she so attractive!!!!! and not with anybody!!#I wish I was attractive and ppl wanted me!!#I am so lonely and angry!!! I want to d13!!
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Even if Jude would be glaring daggers at her, I sincerely thought that Wren could talk things out with Cardan because the parallels between the two show us that they are each other's mirrors when it comes to the abuse they've suffered from their respective guardians, therefore he would have been more understanding of everything that makes wren tick. But even if Cardan is easier to talk to than Jude, he's still overprotective when it comes to the people he loves ( and his nephew nonetheless whom he has raised as his son ) so all hope of peaceful sorting flew out of the window when Wren bridled Oak and kept him a prisoner. Her whole attitude during the epilogue of the stolen heir is "i'm going to send a message to the High Court saying that I'm taking over the Ice Catedral and I'm keeping Oak for myself and perhaps I'll even take his throne" which is made particularly funny because Queen Orlagh underestimated Cardan too when she intended to invade Elfhame, giving the "what are you going to do ? You control the land, but here is he sea" and Cardan went "sike, but did you know what is beneath your sea ? l a n d" and boiled her alive before raising an entire island. He's going to have the same mentality with Wren because homegirl thinks that just because her ice Catedral is made of snow and ice, it isn't literally built on the land that obeys Cardan's every whim. granted, it'll be difficult because Wren has the power to destroy, but he will 100% bury her under the snow she calls a home. also, cardan doesn't like to be threatened so it's double the anger there.
#( 𝐈 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐝 ┊ out of character )#( personals do not interact. )#( so far he's been the lowkey force leaving jude to handle things but boy is the high king of eyelashes gonna eXPLODE in TPH#( i think we've all forgotten just how cruel cardan was to ppl who wronged him in the beginning of TCP#( and i think wren is going to find out just why cardan carried the title of 'the cruel prince'#( he also has the power of creation and we don't know the full extend of it lore wise#( so who is to say he can't undo the knot of magic keeping wren together? because she wasn't born fae she was made fae by bogdana#( a powerful and angry meow meow is to be feared around these places#( and yeah cardan isn't a fan of physical abuse after what balekin did to him but boy is he gonna smack oak in the back of the head#( because “all of this happened because you couldn't very keep it iN YOUR PANTS HUH?”#( perhaps the first and last time cardan will ever yell at oak
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